The Cost of Following Jesus

Ok, so tonight was the Saturday Night Bible Study. Loved it! During our conversing on Scripture I felt the Lord speak to me individually in one passage. Luke 9:57-62. It talks about the Cost of Following Jesus and it tells of how he called one man to follow him, and the man says let me go bury my father. However, instead of allowing the man to go bury his father, Jesus says "Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the word of God".

The way I had interpreted it was two-fold. When Jesus calls you to follow Him (to be a "Christian"), He expects to have your whole heart. On the small end of it that may mean saying goodbye to bad influences such and old friends, some television shows, maybe some music etc. However, on a larger note if Jesus walked into the room right now next to you on the computer and said "Follow me. Leave everything behind: friends, family, your job, your possessions" would you do it? For me instantly I was like holy cow, I don't know. But in reality I absolutely would. What are we here for other than to be a servant to our Lord, and if our Lord asks us to follow Him and leave everything behind we need to be able to say yes.

For me this is key, however, I notice something about myself. It would be easy for me to leave everything behind. Why? I know why. I have walked away from so many things, been pulled away from so many situations that I am used to it. I do not carry attachments to objects or people really. So for me this is a no-brainer and I think it would be simple. However, for others who have ties to family and friends and possessions that have been there for their whole life this might be terribly difficult. Still we all need to be able to uproot our lives in any manner to go where God is calling us.

Now, it is not likely that Jesus will walk up to you as you are reading this blog and tell you to follow Him, but would you be able to do it? Food for thought :)

A Piece of My Heart

I am so inspired by everyone in Circles. Every single one of you. Everyone is different, has been through different things, and has given me insight into different parts of my life. I feel so extremely blessed to be friends with you guys, and I truly have experienced some major growth in my life because of this culmination of people and ideas.

Tonight I decided to wait until all my family went to bed to sit down at my computer and journal. I came to a realization last night, as I was speaking with my mentor about myself. How do I put this into words. I figure I will just walk you through a small part of my life and explain who I am and what I have been.

Ever since my parents got divorced when I was eight, I have been sent down what feels like a whirlpool going down a drain (like you see on those TV shows when someone pulls out the plug). I have moved between houses about seven times in the last eleven years. This is a small number compared to a lot of people, but I know the effect that the circumstances surrounding these moves had on me. As I went from house to house, school to school, I slowly started to internalize myself and become a bit of a shut-out. Seeing my father scream at my mother in the parking lot of the Carl's Jr. we would meet up at to go to his house for the weekend, hearing the lies he put in my ear about my mother, listening to him cry at night when he thought I was asleep, watching my mother cry as she hung up the phone because my father was yelling at her. These incidents were more than one-time occurrences  and they shaped who I was at the time. I had been shoved into the place as the man of the house living with my mom at the age of ten. I felt that I was in charge of my mother, my younger brother, and my sister seeing as I was the only one yet to cry and breakdown.

Due to these circumstances I somehow felt forced to internalize these problems, this anger and sorrow and I became (I thought) a bit of a rock. When I was really just a statue of crumpled paper. From that age of ten and on I looked to different things to fill this incredible void inside of my heart. Girlfriends, pornography, alcohol, marijuana, ecstacy, and many other things. I found myself at the age of seventeen smuggling drugs into my bag for a high school church winter retreat. When I was there I was changed. God touched my life in a way that I had never felt. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. The last night of the retreat my best friend and I gave out lives to God and decided to walk with Christ. Since that day I have been digging myself out of a hole (weird saying). God gave me the shovel, but he decided that I was the one that needed to climb out.

I have struggled with depression, I feel, since some time after my parents divorced (maybe about nine or ten years now). I have taken medication for it, and am still on medication for it. I have seen many counselors, and am still seeing one now. And I have struggling to get myself out of the position I put myself in as a self-conscious, underachieving loner.

Why am I telling you all this? I didn't expect to write all this. But you all should know this. I feel that being with you guys: talking things through, laughing, reading, praying and experiencing God together has been the boost I needed to get myself back on my feet. I want you all to know that God put me in this group for a reason, I have significantly felt it. And you should all know that you are here for a reason too. Again, I feel so blessed by you people. You have all touched my heart in a way that you will never know.

I think the close of this should be marked by a verse that touches my heart as well. From 1 John 1:7

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin"

Thirst for Reasoning

As you may know, I am currently studying the Jehovah's Witnesses religion right now for the purpose of apologetics to these lost people. As I am reading up on certain subjects I am taking notes in my notebook which I call my "Book of Fire", which I will explain someday. I decided to stop and take a break from my studying and write a post about something I realized.

I realized how much I thirst to understand exactly what I believe. I want to know that from very angle I can defend my position as a follower of Christ. I want to know all about the Word of God, the historical context of the Bible, the Canon of Scripture, how to interpret different meanings of different passages. I feel like I was given this thirst as a gift from God. I am building my arsenal for what may be ahead. I am growing in knowledge, and as I grow in knowledge, I am steadily growing in wisdom as God is revealing things to me.

Really what I am asking for is prayer. Pray that I will continue to let this fire inside of me guide me in my studies. However, also pray that I do not get so caught up in outside teachings and theology that I lose sight of the Bible (this has happened before). I have been given a thirst, a fire inside of me, and I pray that the fire will never extinguish, and never get out of control.

Mentor

I'm surfing with the dude I'm mentoring today. I need prayer that I will be able to have a good fellowship and that I will be able to guide him through his first steps walking with Christ. It's hard to think of myself as someone who has wisdom to impart, but I've been praying about it and I feel ok. This is going to be our first little session, we're gonna surf then go over Acts 5, the story of Ananias and Sapphira. Stoked!

Bible Time

I'm coming clean right now. I haven't legitimately read my Bible in about a week, other than the Sermon on the Mount. It has been getting more and more difficult for me to find the time to crack it open, so I decided that on my lunch breaks at work I will read my Bible instead of watching TV. Woohoo! I just need the urge to continue so I stay on the path for this thing! I'm starting tonight in Acts.

Troubles

Hey guys, I have a little confession/prayer request for this week.

So I'm in an Introduction to Business class at my college, and it is really fun but the problem is who I sit next to. On our first day I sat between two girls, one was super quiet and the other seemed really interested in me. For some reason I felt like God was pulling me away from the girl next to me, so I was planning on changing seats the next class session, but she had already moved so that was an answered prayer. However, the girl I sit next to now is a lot different than me. She is very pessimistic, angry, and I feel like she is just lost. I haven't mentioned to her that I am a Christian in the past month and a half and I'm sure she has no idea. I am not sure how to adjust this situation..

One thing I know is that we have become pretty good friends, so this might be a good opportunity for me to witness. I just need the courage to find the time to acknowledge my faith so she knows. I can feel myself getting pulled down when I'm in class with her. I really just need prayer in this situation. Her name is Kira. Just pray that her heart would be softened and that she would see me as a light in the classroom.

This Weeks Fast-No Television

So I decided that this week I would not watch any television or movies at all, for a week. It's the first day and I have discovered something really interesting about myself. I come home today after recording my buddys band and I sit down on the couch ready to turn on the TV to drown me out into a daze, then I stop myself. Why do I go directly to the TV? Why not directly to my Bible? Or directly to prayer? I realize that some of the reasons I watch TV shows like Friends, The Office, and so on is because I feel like I can relate to the characters on the show. Somehow I feel that I gain something from zoning out and just watching these plot lines carry out. This is a huge fallacy.

It is SO easy to immerse ourselves into these mindless acts like drowning out or lives with TV, or just putting on headphones and blasting music. Why do we choose to drown out these sad/frustrated/angry feelings? Why don't we step up and confront them? Does it help us to just sit there and unwind in front of the TV? We can gain so much more from delving into the Bible! So that is what I am doing.

I feel like today I cracked open a door that will lead me to great things. Spending free time reading the Bible, praying, reading theology, and just pondering God's glory will bring us so much more satisfaction.  Now, I am not shunning away television or movies for good. I just need to take this week to step back and assess the way I am spending my time. I can't believe how hard it was to pull myself away from that TV.

Busy-Ness As Usual

As I sit in by the office of 'Smogs Only' waiting for my car to be serviced I have a little time to reflect on the past week. This has been hands down the busiest week of my life thus far. I have had little to no time for even sleep, let alone homework and studying God's word.
I find that it is difficult to just 'jump into' reading the Bible in my spare few minutes, so I have been improvising: listening to KWVE, worship music etc.
Becuase I have been so non-stop, I need those little moments to reflect on my thoughts. This is where prayer comes in. My, what a revelation. Just taking the time to close my eyes and call upon the Lord has given me such peace.
So even if we don't have the time to dive into the Word, go straight to the Big Man himself. You can learn a lot by just listening in prayer.

Ears to Hear

Looking back at the last study on Sunday, what Jesus was saying in James really gave me some good insight. James 1:19, "be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger". I think it is important that we all take the time to listen before we speak. I have found that in very important situations this is a good verse to remember. I know that in the many conversations I have had with non-believers, the one thing they want is to be heard. If you genuinely lend them your ear and let them know you are there with them, they will be much quicker to share thoughts, anxieties, and past experiences that have haunted them.

I actually had the opportunity about a week ago to talk to a girl I work with. She grew up as a Jehova's Witness and she told me a while back that she had dedicated her life to Christ. Now we were having a conversation about some experiences she has had with the Occult. In this situation it was so important to listen, because sharing experiences like this can be very hard for a person. After letting her share her stories, I then shared a few experiences of my own and how I dealt with them. However, in speaking with her, she had told me that she really didn't think she was saved. I continued to listen to things she was wrestling with in the Faith and I did my best to explain these things and help her understand exactly what it is to be a follower of Christ.

Although the conversation did not end the way I had hoped, she still felt very unstable in her understanding of the Christian faith, she knows that she can come to me with questions about things and that I will be quick to lend an ear, and slow to speak.

I would like everyone to pray for her. Her name is Alicia. Please pray that the Spirit would guide her understanding of the Scripture and help her to step away from her past judgements and to step forth and ask questions.